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My story is long but i will try to keep it brief! My sobriety date is February 12, 1998, and its by the grace of God that I'm still here!
I started drinking at the age of 14, my first drunk was a blackout! And my innocence was given away that night! For years i walked around telling myself i was raped, and i think i fed off of that for a long time, it wasn't until i did a 4th step that i realized that i had a huge part in that entire evening! Ok on with the story...after that first blackout, i was scared straight for a short bit, but by the age of 16, i was partying on the weekends and doing what we do! I had started using Cocaine ( i now i identified as an alcoholic, but this is part of my story) at age 17 and i found the answers to all my problems...A boy! ( imagine that) We decided that we needed to get married, and we did on the day of our Senior Prom, oh i forgot to tell you, we were too good for school so we took the CHSPE, and passed! This man i married was abusive and lazy ( see me pointing the finger?) So i did what i knew best, i left him, and went to Texas! This is where my best friend had moved to. When i got there she was having an affair with her hubby's best friend, so i got involved! Now I had Morals you see(lol), so i decided to hook up with him to save her marriage, after all Inst that what friends do???? I am now hooked on XANAX, because I'm in a new place, cant get enough alcohol to calm the jitters, and I'm living with some Psycho that my best friend was with (((EEEEWWW). What did i end up with, losing my best friend, and more baggage! So i did what i know how to do, i LEFT! I came back to California, and HE followed me! When i got here i had to detox off the xanax, that was FUN! Shortly after wards my mom gets a call from a hospital, my husband (yes I'm still married) is in a COMA! So i go there, we talk ( when he wakes up) and hes involved in church etc, and doing good. WSWe decide to get back together! I get involved in the church, and experience my first stretch of time with no mind altering chemicals! I got pregnant had a boy, and he started drinking again! So i did what i know how to do, I LEFT! I am now 21, and the party is on! I have an awesome babysitter, i don't even have to come home at night! I had plenty of those Coyote ugly moments during this time! I was going to get my Lil brother during these strange weekends when i wanted to party at home! He was 16, and sometimes his best friend who was almost 18 would come too. Wanna guess what happened next?? Yup, i got pregnant by my brothers best friend! My mom was disgusted! We move in together, and Fight every day! He joined the army, and i was homeless! I moved up to Reding to live with my PAPA, i give birth 2 months early to my daughter, and i stay dry for about 6 months! My PAPA lived in the country, and there was no LIVELY action around! I needed to get out! SO i did, i started drinking as much as i could and then moved to the city! I found one dude after another, each one showing me a new way to PARTY, then i found my one true love..METH! It took me down so hard, so fast! So, i left the party dudes, and found a straight laced, goody goody to love me, after all if i was with someone who didn't drink or drug, i would be fine right???? WRONG! My PAPA died in my arms in 1994, right after we got married! AND THE PARTY WAS ON! I had no clue how to process grief, and i was nearly suicidal. The hubby left me, and i wallowed in my bottle for a few months, then sought him out, after all he was the answer to my problems! I cleaned up and we got back together, i got pregnant, because thats what we do! Had another girl, one month after his girlfriend had a boy( talk about dysfunctional) He left again after he found my bottles and stuff. I got evicted from my apt on January 6th 1998, my mom sent me 1500.00 and i partied it all away! My kids and i were homeless, living in a car, and it was snowing! On February 12th, i was outta money, freezing cold, kids were sick, and i needed help! I called my mom and she put me in a motel until my step dad ( AA) could get up there to get me! I just wanted to die! But was too chicken to do it! I went to my first AA mtg on March 3, 1998, and i have been lucky enough to stay ever since! My sobriety has been very rough, my first year i had to deal with Felony warrants, a divorce , and a child custody suit. But the people in AA were there with me 100%. My other grandfather died right before i turned one! I got my own apartment at 9 mos sober, and was fired from my job two weeks later! My second year , i was trying like hell to do this program, and it seemed that something always happened ( life on life's terms) I had my car stolen, and i was fired from another job!! ( did i tell you that me being fired wasn't because of something i did?) So here i am single mom of 3 kids, trying to support them and do this AA thing! Finally I'm hired back at my job and life is back on course! BUT i started having huge health problems and in 2000, i had five (5) surgeries, you know the kind where they slit your gut open from one side of your body tot he next!!!! That was a year from HELL! ( but still much better than when i was drinking) . I married my husband in 2002, and everything was getting better, until 2003 in February, my grandma got lung cancer, i sat with her for days and days in the hospital, until sh died in my arms! Ok, so this is what we are taught in AA to stand up and be responsible, and do what is expected of us, i got through it, it was hard, but i survived! THEN in July same year my mom got sick! At first it was her heart, then they found Lung Cancer. I sat by her bed day and night for a month! She too died in my arms on August 21 2003. That was the absolutely hardest thing i have ever dealt with. I couldn't breathe, i couldn't think, sleep, making a decision was impossible! But through the grace of God and AA i did it! We had her funeral, and it was standing room only...I think every person i had ever come into contact with was there to support me! The next year i had several more surgeries, and my life got a bit chaotic, i stopped going to AA meetings, and i got restless , irritable, and discontent! I was up against a drink, and didn't even know it! I got my butt back into meetings, found a new sponsor who was holding me accountable to my own actions, and started sponsoring! My life was once again good! Then i found out in July, 2005, that my step dad was molesting my girls! I had him arrested, and also found out that he was a registered sex offender from 20 years prior! He is still in jail today awaiting a jury trial on April 10th! I cant tell you how i have gotten through any of this, only that i apply the steps and traditions in my life every day and i take baby steps when i feel overwhelmed! Being of service is a huge factor for me. I have an H & I panel that i do monthly and i have several girls i sponsor! I'm sponsorable today, and i stay teachable! Because of AA i have a new freedom that i never dreamt possible! Yeah sure life on life's terms sometimes sucks, but nobody ever promised me a rose garden! If your new, and this scares you, don't be scared because I'm in contact with NONE of my friends from the old days, i found out the hard way that none of them were really friends anyway! My true friends are the ones that call me on my SH*T, on a daily basis, and they are the ones i go to when i need help! I have a higher power that loves me no matter what, even when i do something wrong, (Nobody is perfect) ! I'll tell you what, when i got here, i thought there was no hope, today i see the hope working in peoples lives every day!
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Ive been to hell and dont wanna go back!
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